She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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