My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
