So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
