My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
