I molested 6 butterflies tonight
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
