Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I AM VODKA MAN
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
