You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
