Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Enjoy the penises
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
