his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
