i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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