Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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