Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
