i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
