I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
