How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
