I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
