I wish i was in the wii world.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
