Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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