Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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