i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I cut my penus on the lid.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
