Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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