Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I feel like a drive thru vagina
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
