speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
