I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Girls should come with a carfax report
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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