dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
