I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
