i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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