I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
