the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
