direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Sober January is a disaster.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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