hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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