people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
