i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just googled if crying burns calories
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
