A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
