i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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