He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
