butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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