we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
