Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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