You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize