Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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