my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
