We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
