I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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