Too much gin, very little bucket
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
