also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
