I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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