I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
