Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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