I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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