i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
