You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
