I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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