I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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